this week has gone by really fast. it's been one big blur.



the brandtson show was a bit dissapointing. i didn't even get to see brandtson. for some reason they have really been screwed over by their incompetant booking agent and their entire tour has been sort of a let down for them. anyways, they came with two opening bands, insted of one and then not only had to wait for those bands to play, but also the three local bands that had been booked. what started as a small show in the first place (thank the get-up-kids in phoenix and school night restrictions for that), dwindled down to almost nothing. by the time i had to leave at about 11:10, they still hadn't started. so that was unfortunate. i did get to see the e-walks, hobart, time spent driving, and made for radio though. so in many ways, i did get my $5 worth.



starting this weekend i am going to take a PSAT prep class each tuesday and saturday. i know it'll be really good for me to take, but at the same time, i am really hating the idea. i mean, i have so little free time as it is, why would i want to spend more of it taking yet another class? but, as those around me so convientantly keep pointing out, it will have a lot of lasting benefits. and if i do well on both the PSAT and the SAT next year, i won't have to worry about taking it next year. so i guess if i sacrifice my social life this year, i might have a chance of salvaging it next year. i don't know, though. there are so many things i want to do, i just don't have enough time or the capacity to do them.



i am starting to regain that helpless, out of control feeling that i had earlier this year. i hate that feeling. i always want to feel like i have a hand on the situation and my life, like i am the one who is directing my fate. and although i believe that in a lot of ways, i continually am getting slapped with the realization that that isn't always so. and for someone who can't bring themselves to ask for help, that is kind of scary. i can't put my finger on what i am wanting to change, all i know is that something doesn't feel right. but i guess that is the perpetual state that most people go through life feeling, so im not too off base, am i? a state of perpetual confusion and soul searching....

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